HipsterZOMBIEJoint Movie Review: The Craft Legacy

In the 90s The Craft was a cult hit that gave a voice to young women fueling empowerment and help solidify the goth trend. It knew what it was and it didn’t give a damn if you didn’t like it. Fast forward to the woke generation of today where the scariest thing is cancel culture and everyone is Tik Tok using cliche of pop culture. They say the 90s lacked identity. Well the 2020 has an identity built around social Justice warriors and a fake representation of how the world actually is.

This sequel/quasi reboot is written and directed by Zoe Lister-Jones. The stars Cailee Spaeny, Gideon Adlon, Lovie Simone, Zoey Luna, Michelle Monaghan, and David Duchovny. Jason Blum served as a producer under his Blumhouse Productions banner.

Three girls, Frankie (Gideon Adlon), Tabby (Lovie Simone) and Lourdes (Zoey Luna) try to freeze time with magic but fail to do so as they require a fourth member. Lily Schechner (Cailee Spaeny) moves into the town with her therapist mother, Helen (Michelle Monaghan), to live with Helen’s boyfriend Adam Harrison (David Duchovny) and his three sons. The girls befriend Lily and are amazed when she telepathically smashes Timmy (Nicholas Galitzine) into the lockers, who was harassing her. When Lily responds to them using only her mind, the girls confirm her to be their fourth member and invites her to join their coven to which she agrees.

Now that can either sound like a rehash of the first movie or a rip-off done with a CW or Freeform level of talent. Sadly for this film it leans more towards the latter. None of these girls are particularly likable. They are however just check marks in a diversity board. The Transgender who points out she can’t have kids; the black who who loves Beyoncé; the loud mouth tough girl; and of course the androgynous mousy white girl. Yup this is our new Craft. When they aren’t doing spells they are just being cringe worthy stereotypes. But I know why you are really here for the Craft. To see them do Magic shit!

That also is a let down. The original Craft might not have had the CGI effects of today but if they did it wouldn’t have looked like something from a Disney VOD film. The original Craft special effects looked real and you could believe the dark magic they were conjuring. Here the bad CGI might as well be set to some mopey uninspired indie tracks…OH WAIT IT WAS!

Oh and the final SJW check box to mark off, the film’s main villain is a straight white man. Yes, David Duchovny shows how hard up he is for a paycheck these days by being a run of the mill villain that wouldn’t even be good enough to appear on CW’s Charmed. He’s a motivational speaker who is a cult leader who also is trying to steal witches powers. Yes, the big “fight” at the end seems like a Charmed rip-off battle. They might as well of chanted “the power of three will set us free.” Oh and did I mention that Duchovny’s character has three sons in the film that one point just seem to vanish from the story after their dad is killed? Yeah great writing…

And now for the big twist WE all saw coming. When Lily finds out she is adopted, she seeks out her birth mother. The search leads her to an insane asylum and into the arms of The Craft’s original antagonist, Nancy Downs. I guess the film’s budget could only afford actress Fariuza Balk for 20 minutes of shoot time. So the film leaves off with a good reveal and something that this film should have been based around. I would have loved to have seen the dynamic between Lily and Nancy and have that be the story of The Craft Legacy. Instead we were treated to a SJW lesser version of the original film and now I don’t give a shit about ever seeing any of these characters again.

In conclusion, this shit fest of a film ranks right up there with S. Darko and American Psycho 2 as films that tarnishes the reputation of the original. The Craft Legacy gets the dishonorable HEADSHOT and is a top contender for WORST film of 2020!

Leave a Reply