The pop star spoke out in court about her conservatorship, saying, “I just want my life back.”
Spears has been at the center of fan conspiracy theories that suggested she was a prisoner of her own fame and family. It was said she would wear certain colors in various social media videos to show how she was feeling from day to day, almost something of a morse code between her and the fans.
Spears began her nearly 30-minute statement with, “I have a lot to say, so bear with me. I don’t think I was heard on any level when I came to court last time.” Speaking about her prior music and tour commitments, Spears said she “is not here to be anyone’s slave.”
Speaking rapidly, Spears then addressed her recent social media posts, admitting, “I’ve lied and told the whole world I’m OK and I’m happy. It’s a lie. I’ve been in denial. I’ve been in shock. I am traumatized. Fake it ’til you make it, but now I’m telling you the truth, OK? I’m not happy. I can’t sleep. I’m depressed. I cry every day.”
Shortly thereafter, Spears, 39, asked to end the 13-year conservatorship.
“I didn’t know I could petition the conservatorship to end. I honestly didn’t know that. I’ve done more than enough. I don’t owe these people anything. I’ve roofed and clothed and fed people on the road. It’s demoralizing what I’ve been through. I’ve never said it openly – I never thought anyone would believe me. I’m not lying. I just want my life back. It’s been 13 years and it’s been enough. I want to be able to be heard. I’ve kept this in for so long – it’s not good for my heart. I’ve been so angry and I cry every day. For my sanity … I need to get it off my heart. The anger, all of it. The main reason why I’m here today is I want to end the conservatorship without being evaluated.”
pears continued to list reasons why she feels the conservatorship should be lifted. “I deserve privacy. I don’t feel like I can live a full life. They’re making me feel like I live in a rehab program. I do need a little therapy,” she said, laughing. “I want to progressively move forward … I want to get married and have a baby. This conservatorship is doing me way more harm than good. I deserve to have a life! I’ve worked my whole life. I feel ganged up on and I feel bullied and I feel left out and alone. I’m tired of feeling alone.”
The hearing then took a 20-minute recess before returning. Jamie’s attorney Vivian Lee Thoreen addressed the court to share a statement from her client, saying, “[Jamie] is sorry to see his daughter in so much pain. [He] loves his daughter and misses her very much.”
Britney reserved “the right to petition for the termination of this conservatorship.” In a statement to PEOPLE earlier this year, Thoreen, Jamie’s attorney, said that Spears could file a petition to terminate her conservatorship but never has.
“Any time Britney wants to end her conservatorship, she can ask her lawyer to file a petition to terminate it; she has always had this right but in 13 years has never exercised it,” Thoreen told PEOPLE at the time. “Britney knows that her Daddy loves her, and that he will be there for her whenever and if she needs him, just as he always has been – conservatorship or not.”
In recent social media posts, Spears has appeared light-hearted, telling fans who’ve asked if she’s okay that, “I’m totally fine. I’m extremely happy, I have a beautiful home, beautiful children. I’m taking a break right now because I’m enjoying myself.”
Posting to Instagram again last week, Spears addressed whether she’ll “take the stage again.”
“I have no idea,” she said. “I’m having fun right now. I’m in a transition in my life and I’m enjoying myself, so that’s it.”